So today was the day, my works Christmas party, I have worried about it all day! Have you ever worried yourself to the point that your so scared about doing something that you want to cancel? That was me today.
I made sure to take today off work so I had plenty of time to potter about and nothing would be rushed, which really helped and I was able to get ready stress free.
Now for our team night out we went for a meal at a Italians and drinks before and after. Once I arrived to the venue I was terrified to go in, a crowded bar in a place I feel is out of my comfort zone.
I don't know about you but I started to text the people I would normally talk to at work to see where they were and thought it was a good idea to stay in the cold and wait.
Once my friends arrived I headed nervously to the bar and ordered my drink and made my way to meet the rest of my team, everything was fine and everything seemed great but I still felt like I couldn't relax and that I was out of place.
The meal went fine and we made our way back to the bar, now I don't know whether I am getting old, but nights spent getting pushed and shoved and struggling to get a drink at the bar are all behind me and it became less enjoyable.
The people I work with are great, but I still just felt off. My feet are still sore from standing and not to mention how soaked my hair is (sorry if that's a bit TMI) off being in a hot stuffy bar.
Whilst I was out all I could think about was being at home, in my nice comfy PJ's cuddling my little Lulu in my nice cosy home.
So that being said I made the decision to leave early and come home. I am so annoyed with myself and also my ex for changing nights out for me. I used to love them, be the last one standing and now I am the first one to leave.
I cant help but be happy and disappointed all at the same time. I am happy I made it out but I am disappointed that I am in such a different place in my life to where I was and wish I could be more like the 'old' me.
In all honesty I think being as overweight as I am will always lead to being unhappy however that mixed with depression and anxiety makes everything seem so much worse.
I am frustrated, I want to be the way I used to be now, not later, why cant I just go out and enjoy myself, why cant I just eat sensibly and lose weight? I just do not know.
What I do know is I need to change and only I can help myself.
I hope anyone in a similar position to me just perseveres and goes out, and enjoys themselves and hopefully I will be in a better place with myself in the future.
Felling low and down after a night out is never a good feeling but I wanted to share my experiences with you. If you have any tips or techniques I would love to hear them, either to help live with depression and anxiety or even just weight loss tips.
Thank you for reading
Tracy xx
Feel better soon! :)
ReplyDeleteColorful Closets
Thank you! xx
ReplyDeleteHey first up just know that you are not alone in this. I can totally relate to what your saying here and I am gutted that ur night didn't go as hoped. I too struggle with my weight and have struggled with depression surrounding that, I won't offer you tips as I am no pro but what I will give you is an open line of communication; I am here if you ever need a chat or just to sound off. You are beautiful and kind and I hope that you see that these other things do not define you as a person. Hope you enjoy the rest of ur weekend hun x
ReplyDeleteThank you soo much! I am sorry to hear that you are going through the same type of thing, it is good to know that I am not the only one but it is a difficult time. Thank you so much for such a lovely comment, I really appreciate it and I am actually quite overwhelmed! Thank you and I hope that your coping ok too! :) xx
ReplyDeleteAs I actually have mild social anxiety I have so much sympathy and understanding whilst reading this. I have reduced myself to tears when I know a big event/social occasion is coming up, I worry myself silly. It's ridiculous because I know my fears are irrational and ridiculous but I can't seem to shove them aside. Luckily I have a great support network around me who are slowly helping to ease me back into a 'normal' way of thinking.
ReplyDeleteWhat is it that goes through your head when you're out/invited to go out? I just always think that people that don't know me will find me boring and i'll make a fool of myself. it's so weird as I used to love meeting new people and it didn't phase me at all, I would jump at the chance. Funnily enough I started my blog to help with all this and it does seem to be working :)
Just know that you are not alone, as Kat has also said. You do have friends and remember they love you for who you are and i'm sure they would pick out many good things about you that you wouldn't have thought of and don't even notice those things that you aren't so keen on.
Sorry for the essay haha xx
I cant get over how many lovely people that are out there! Thank you so much for taking the time to comment!
ReplyDeleteIts an awful feeling and like you say sometimes our thoughts are irrational and ridiculous yet we still let them effect us.
For me its more about being out and people pointing and staring, maybes making jokes about my size etc. I used to love nights out, and I think that's what makes things harder also. I am normally all excited at the thought of going out, up until the few days before hand then I slowly start to work myself up to the point that I either cancel or become a nervous wreck!
Blogging has been amazing for me, not only has it allowed me to talk about my feelings more openly but it has also gave me a hobby/interest again. Also I have been able to communicate with such lovely people like yourself!
Thank you again and I am pleased that blogging is also helping you also! :) xx