The difference between living with & suffering with Depression!

So last year I was diagnosed with depression, an illness I had never really believed in! Growing up I was always told that people who used to say that they were depressed or had depression were just feeling a little sad and that they should just pull themselves together!

So imagine when somebody tells you that they think that you are depressed and that you should see a Dr! It took me ages before booking an appointment with my doctor because in my eyes I was just having a tough time.

Now in a short space of time a lot of things went wrong, I just couldn't cope anymore. I couldn't ever imagine being happy again and I just wanted to cut myself off from the world. I couldn't see a way forward anymore and became low, almost as if I was in a daze.

Now at that point I knew I needed to do something but even then I questioned whether or not I had depression. The Dr told be I was severely depressed and explained the difference between feeling sad and actual depression.

Over the past year I have improved dramatically, I started to be more sociable, feel happier in myself and even made a good job of trying to lose weight and live a happier, healthier life. Last friday was one of the worst days I have had in a long time, I couldn't stop crying event to the point I was hyperventilating and did not want to be here anymore. I was so worried that everything I had achieved in the past year had all gone to waste and that I was back to the beginning.

I had received a bit of bad news about my mam, we are so close and the thought of losing her was unbearable and along with other things just tipped me over the edge.

Now I spent a good hour with a friend being told that I was not back where I was and that there is no smooth transition to recovery and that I should be less tough on myself. I made an appointment with the Dr's and he agrees that I am not where I was last year but I could still do with help and support at the moment just until things started to improve.

I would say that from February onwards I really thought that my depression was going away and would never come back but I have realised that there are two stages with depression, Living with and suffering from.

At the beginning I was suffering with my depression and then I learnt to live with it, at this moment in time I am battling with controlling my depression.

If you are reading this and think things will never get better, they will! Nobody can go through it on their own you need to see your Doctor and discuss it with them/ I have found that even just talking to someone really helps me.

Am I sad everyday? No, absolutely not. I have found a way to manage my day to day life and actually up until I shared my blog with friends and family people were unaware that I have depression.

If you are reading this and feel like you are struggling at the moment and may be suffering with depression please seek help, your life is so precious and you owe it to yourself to be happy.

If you are reading this and are sceptical about depression, please think before you assume that someone is just 'having a bad day' or 'cant be bothered' yes people do have days like that and unfortunately there are those who use the term depression too lightly, but from my experience the thought that people would think those thoughts about me actually delayed me getting help.

Depression may never fully go away but there is a difference between living with it and suffering from it.

Thanks for Reading

Tracy xx

 

What do you know about beauty? Your fat!

Growing up, I can always remember wanting the latest make up products from the latest brand. I loved make up and experimenting with different hairstyles. As I got older I learnt more about what to spend more money on and what I could get cheaper that did just the same job.

When your growing up you learn tips and tricks, products that work and ones that don't, I remember spending nights watching QVC make up shows and learning the basics as my mam never really bothers with make up, she doesn't need to.

So as the years went on I started to really enjoy learning and from make up I was then introduced to the importance of skincare and choosing the right skincare for your skin type.

I have read blogs, followed youtubers for years now who share their love for beauty, skincare and fashion. Sitting watching videos and reading posts I would always think to myself that I would love to do that one day and then I would think why would people listen to what I have to say, after all I am not your typical looking beauty blogger.

Last September I started blogging and I discovered the amazing plus size community, woman of all shapes and sizes sharing their passion for all the things I have put off doing for so long. If you did not know I originally created this blog to help me deal with my depression and also have something to focus on and put all of my energy into.

The plus size community is huge (no pun intended!) and I have been so inspired and given the confidence to share my knowledge, my love and my passion for all things beauty and fashion. Every time I am asked about what I blog about I always think that when I say beauty, the person would automatically think 'What do you know about beauty? Your fat!

I don't know about you, but when I meet someone I don't think 'she's too fat to know about beauty' so why would I think people would think that about me? My conclusion is that most beauty bloggers tend to traditionally be slim and well, beautiful!

The world has a view that being overweight is ugly, now all the lovely and amazing plus size bloggers and models have changed the way people think about plus size woman when it comes to fashion but the stigma is still there when it comes to beauty. However there are well known plus size bloggers sharing their love for beauty and skincare and hopefully the beauty industry will follow the way the fashion industry has.

Who has the right to say someone knows nothing about beauty or that there size dictates what they do and don't have the right to talk about?

Let me know your thoughts! If you had the choice to take the views of a plus size beauty blogger or a traditional beauty blogger who would you choose and why?

Thanks for Reading

Tracy xx

 

 

Hydraluron Moisture Jelly Review!

So a while ago now I purchased Indeed Laboratories Hydraluron Moisture Jelly, I had heard a lot about their serums and when I was shopping in Boots I was intrigued with the products the brand had to offer.

I tend to have a love/hate relationship with moisturisers as my skin tends to change a lot throughout the year, some can be too thick or too thin, so when I saw the word 'Jelly' I thought that this could be interesting.



 

You use this morning and night to get the best results and you only need a pea sized amount which you apply to your face and neck after cleansing.

Firstly I love the packaging, you simply press the top down and the product is released, the amount is already measured for you so there is also no waste!



I hate it when I buy a higher end product and I cannot get all of the product out of the packaging without cutting it so I love that when you use the product there is a mechanism that pushes the product further up the container so that there is no waste! Genius!



The jelly itself is very lightweight and like nothing I have ever tried before. It sinks into my skin perfectly and immediately my face feels hydrated. One thing I will say is that being a moisturiser user for so long, I found that getting used to the texture took a little while as it is a little more 'tacky' on the skin. Once the jelly is fully absorbed then it is absolutely fine.



One of the most important ingredients in this moisture jelly is Hyaluronic Acid, an ingredient everybody is currently obsessed with and now I know why!

Hyaluronic acid helps to retain over a 1000 times its weight in water within the cells of skin, making it an excellent moisturizer.  In fact, no other biological substance can retain as much water as HA resulting in increased smoothness, softening and decreased wrinkles.



Now this is not the cheapest product, at £24.99 for 30mls it can be expensive but if you are looking to give it a go I would defiantly suggest going into Boots and if they have have a tester, try it just to see if the texture is something that you would be interested in.

Have you tried any products from this brand before? If so what? Or maybes you have a moisturiser that you couldn't live without?

Thanks for Reading

Tracy xx

Cupcake Decorating & Afternoon Tea: Blogger Event!

If you follow me on Facebook then you will know that a few weeks back I received an invite to a very exciting blogger event hosted by Joe Blogs and #toastofthetown. I have been invited to previous events but always refused as I was very nervous and quite frankly terrified!

When the exciting email made its way to my inbox I simply couldn't resist! The event invite was for an afternoon cupcake decorating followed by afternoon tea! This sounded like my ideal opportunity to attend my very first blogger event!

Over the past week or so my depression has really kicked in again prompted by a couple of things and as I got closer to today (day of the event) I was almost ready to cancel. Personally I find it so annoying when someone cancels at last minute so I decided to just get ready and go!

I couldn't be happier that I attended such a lovely, well planned event! The event was held at the Copthorne Hotel, which is part of the Millennium Hotel chain. The hotel itself is in the most idelic place in Newcastle, it is located on the Quayside, within walking distance from all that Newcastle has to offer!

The reception staff were so helpful and friendly as I nervously arrived and then I was introduced to the staff that were working the event, all lovely, happy people and I started to calm down, took a seat in the amazing reception area overlooking the peaceful and calm flow of the River Tyne.

Once everyone had arrived we made our way to some nibbles and beverages, all beautifully set out (I nervously fumbled with my camera as I decided whether or not it was socially acceptable to take photos of the food).



 

I spoke to some lovely bloggers, very friendly and we just chatted about our experiences as bloggers and I nervously smiled away. We were then taken to the room where we were going to doing some cake decorating with Julies Cake House, a company that specialises in beautiful cakes that are made to order as well as offering cake decorating classes too!



Everyone had all the equipment needed to make four gorgeous cupcakes all using different techniques and helping us learn different skills.

We all made a flower, a cute teddy bear, a makeup inspired and a flower with a ladybird cupcakes.



 

 

I have never had so much fun just being creative because we can! As I have got older I have found that I generally do creative tasks because I have to as there is a need for it, however this event allowed me to thoroughly enjoy just taking my time trying to create something pretty that also tasted amazing too!



Everyone from Julies Cake House were so friendly and helpful and made sure that all of us bloggers could see how to achieve our cupcake creations.



So after a great time cupcake decorating we were then taken o a tour of the hotel, The Copthorne is an immaculate hotel and the rooms are so accommodating, not to mention the beautiful views! This hotel has been designed and decorated with the visitors needs as their number one priority. I managed to pick up a booklet with information on their Christmas & New Year celebrations as this would be an amazing place to sit back and watch the New Years Eve fireworks being set off over the Tyne Bridge.

Now if a cupcake decorating class was not enough, we then ended the afternoon with afternoon tea. I have to say that the attention to detail throughout the whole event could not be faulted and the afternoon tea was certainly beyond my expectations!

We ended the afternoon with sandwiches, cakes and scones, feeling a little bit calmer at this point. I thoroughly enjoyed chatting to everyone and feel really lucky that I was given this opportunity!

Sometimes we think that we can't do certain things in life, if we simply take all the opportunities we are given we start to develop new skills, meet new people and most of all learn that sometimes the things that take us out of our comfort zone are actually the times in our lives that we shine the brightest!

Thank you to everyone at Joe Blogs for making my first ever blog event such a lovely experience! I have had a lovely afternoon and decided to share my cupcakes I made with my Mam!

If you are thinking of planning a trip to Newcastle and looking for somewhere to stay to make your trip more memorable I would highly recommend staying at the Copthorne hotel, and if you are looking for something creative to do, why not head to Julies Cake House at the Tyne Tunnel Trading Estate for a class in cake decorating!

If you want to find out more about Julies Cake House or the Copthorne Hotel then please click the links below.

Copthorne Hotel-http://www.millenniumhotels.co.uk/copthornenewcastle/

Find out more about afternoon tea http://whatson.millenniumhotels.co.uk/newcastle/britain's-best-afternoon-tea-experiences/

Julies Cake House-http://www.juliescakehouse.co.uk

I hope you have enjoyed this post as much as I have enjoyed writing it!

Thanks for Reading

Tracy xx