The difference between living with & suffering with Depression!

So last year I was diagnosed with depression, an illness I had never really believed in! Growing up I was always told that people who used to say that they were depressed or had depression were just feeling a little sad and that they should just pull themselves together!

So imagine when somebody tells you that they think that you are depressed and that you should see a Dr! It took me ages before booking an appointment with my doctor because in my eyes I was just having a tough time.

Now in a short space of time a lot of things went wrong, I just couldn't cope anymore. I couldn't ever imagine being happy again and I just wanted to cut myself off from the world. I couldn't see a way forward anymore and became low, almost as if I was in a daze.

Now at that point I knew I needed to do something but even then I questioned whether or not I had depression. The Dr told be I was severely depressed and explained the difference between feeling sad and actual depression.

Over the past year I have improved dramatically, I started to be more sociable, feel happier in myself and even made a good job of trying to lose weight and live a happier, healthier life. Last friday was one of the worst days I have had in a long time, I couldn't stop crying event to the point I was hyperventilating and did not want to be here anymore. I was so worried that everything I had achieved in the past year had all gone to waste and that I was back to the beginning.

I had received a bit of bad news about my mam, we are so close and the thought of losing her was unbearable and along with other things just tipped me over the edge.

Now I spent a good hour with a friend being told that I was not back where I was and that there is no smooth transition to recovery and that I should be less tough on myself. I made an appointment with the Dr's and he agrees that I am not where I was last year but I could still do with help and support at the moment just until things started to improve.

I would say that from February onwards I really thought that my depression was going away and would never come back but I have realised that there are two stages with depression, Living with and suffering from.

At the beginning I was suffering with my depression and then I learnt to live with it, at this moment in time I am battling with controlling my depression.

If you are reading this and think things will never get better, they will! Nobody can go through it on their own you need to see your Doctor and discuss it with them/ I have found that even just talking to someone really helps me.

Am I sad everyday? No, absolutely not. I have found a way to manage my day to day life and actually up until I shared my blog with friends and family people were unaware that I have depression.

If you are reading this and feel like you are struggling at the moment and may be suffering with depression please seek help, your life is so precious and you owe it to yourself to be happy.

If you are reading this and are sceptical about depression, please think before you assume that someone is just 'having a bad day' or 'cant be bothered' yes people do have days like that and unfortunately there are those who use the term depression too lightly, but from my experience the thought that people would think those thoughts about me actually delayed me getting help.

Depression may never fully go away but there is a difference between living with it and suffering from it.

Thanks for Reading

Tracy xx